Change

Picture taken by my cousin
Edited by me

In the 50th anniversary marriage of my paternal grandparents, I realized that they are getting older. 

As a person, I have these immature thoughts of not wanting to change, or I wanted to stay the same like in my past, not to me but to everyone else. 

'Change was a hassle because time keeps on moving forward.' That's what I thought, but I know time can't be stopped within our hands. 

My mind sometimes gets caught up in the past, which makes me uncomfortable. 

While I watched the married old couple enjoying their golden wedding anniversary, renewing their vows, kissing sweetly, and dancing together as their special day and spotlight belonged to them, I thought that they deserved this special day. 

They deserved each other after they reached their retirement, and they overcome hardships as a sucessful parents that they grew their grown-up married children with sucessfull carreers well. 

They moved on towards the future; even my mother admitted on her lips that she wanted her golden wedding anniversary with my father someday. 

As my mind reminisced of the past, my single thought was, *'I want to change, too.'*Not only as a person, but also my life. 

I want to move on from my past, but it is very difficult because of how stubborn I am. I know that this is one of our enemies (devils) tactics to make us fall short with God, to which I remembered one of the sermons my church warned us about—not only the preachers warned us, but also the Christian books I read so far. 

Unfortunately, that was one of my struggles in my life, and I know God wants me to overcome this. 

I'm always lost in motivation to plan for my future, and I'm always lost that I needed guidance. 

As I said in my previous posts in one of my blogs, I know what vocation God planned for me. 

The one question in my mind was this: What is the first step?

My heart and my mind always wander off from Him. I know that I keep returning to Him, I assured you, as I have great confidence. I have a personality of not wanting to lose this battle, and I'm confident that God is with me to fight our enemies together. 

Perhaps this is my first step in my mind: acceptance of this change. 

A baby step. Is what we called.

As I watched the couple slicing their cake to symbolize their eternal love in the distance, perhaps these thoughts will be my motivation to move on from my past. 

I'm still a lost traveler in life, having no goals in my career as I felt stagnant. I must accept these small changes. 

When I heard from my aunt and my mother's conversation nearby that my grandparents will move to America next year for their retirement, I felt sadness within me as I thought that this would be the last time I saw them personally. 

I'm quite close with my grandparents's family since they were my neighbors for almost all of my teen years. 

After thinking about that, my tears shed while I wrote this blog. 

This change I thought was quite painful, but I still wish in their remaining life filled with blessings and happiness as their life moves on.