feeling mental

it's one of those days.... I feel very uncomfortable in my own skin, I don't have what I need to medicate myself out of this..... so...I'm just stewing around feeling totally not ok.... I hate it .
I'm trying to tie up my dead dad's estate...or lack thereof...cause he was a major drunk and left no will, a huge mess and lots of bills...... and today I was just not in the right frame of mind for all the mail that came for him.... as well as the denial of benefits letter from the VA for his burial.... I cannot win, and I really just want to smoke a joint and chill.... but no... no access cause I'm in a stupid state that has no medical program.... ugh.... so I'm just gonna crawl under a rock and cry and hope for a better day tomorrow