Friday blues

Sometimes you get jolts of reality thrown at you in ways you never expect, never been warned of, out of the blue.
Sometimes it’s something you’ve been warned against, repetitively. But you take for granted, think along the lines of drunk driving. We’ve all done it, only some get repercussions.
But getting a phone call from the health department, is still a jolt of reality. Waiting for results. Is not a pleasant feeling; you feel guilty for thinking of either outcome. For thinking you could have avoided this entire process of agony you’re in.
What about the outcome? Will it change me? Will it change how others view me? Is it wrong to have already cried my eyes out because I feel hopeless?