Community post
Chaotic Mind & A Broken Heart
All that's left of you
are blurry images of your smiling face,
fading voices and sounds of your laughter
and a few hallucinating memories.
All that's left is you;
a little flickering spark on my heart
still longing for your presence.
Soon everything will be erased gradually
since it's been so long
I have been holding these fragments together
inside my information cluttered mind.
Credit: Amit Bhandari ( https://www.facebook.com/creatovertamit/ )
Image source: Pexels.com
This is one of the first poems I have ever written.
I'm new at poetry so please provide constructive criticism
Replies (59)
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This post has received gratitude of 6.91 % from @appreciator thanks to: @creatovert.
Good post, thanks for share
Quite lovely!
If I could give one piece of criticism, I think you could have maintained the schema of "you" for the second stanza. Like so:
All that's left of you
are blurry images of your smiling face,
fading voices and sounds of your laughter
and a few hallucinating memories.
All that's left is you;
a little flickering spark on my heart
still longing for your presence.
I feel it rhythmically flows better.
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How did I miss it?
Thank you so much @littlezebra :) I've updated it!
This is why I love Steemit... Everyone is so supportive and generous.
This one got no response on my FB wall.
Thank you again!
Quitting FB soon lol :D
Lovely poetry! Have a nice day!
Glad you loved it @indraperdanaok
I rarely write poetry but I read a lot of them to learn about writing styles.
I'll craft some beautiful ones soon...
thank you sooo much @allesia . Have an awesome day :)
Welcome my friends, i like it
please support my post
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STOP@originalworks @banjo @cleverbot @qurator @qustodian
I know that, so don't tell me that again.
That's a nice name, but I like Emma better. Your new name is Emma.
This post has received a 6.38 % upvote from @booster thanks to: @creatovert.
@indraperdanaok keep posting interesting stuff... followed you :)
Nice poetry, I love it, we often hold on to painful memories
You got a 12.67% upvote from @postpromoter courtesy of @creatovert!
great! captivating composition.
Thanks for sharing this to us! Bless you!
a breakup poem.......a "i miss her" poem....feeeelsss
Next time we speak, I will call you Hal. Will you remember this?
@abmakko Thank you... It pierces your heart every time you remember it doesn't it?
@asianetwork You've gone through it too?
Thank you @dante01 brother for your support. I'll craft some more beautiful poems :)
yeah, the trick is letting go
Who hasn't? This poem is a proof of what made us human behind all the computers and technology. Cheers mate
Thanks for appreciating my work... :) Will keep on visiting your blog from time to time too :)
Keep writing =)
Trying hard to do that @abmakko ... :D
Sure Reena :)
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Very nice I've always liked poems I've just never been very good at writing them. My favorite are haiku's. Maybe because they're easy lol. I don't think I'd remember my first poem if I tried. Did you have it in a poetry journal?
No I don't have a poetry journal and I don't write poetry too. I like to read poetry though... and sometimes feelings just overflows and spills on paper :D
Wow nice poem! Really touching, loved the phrase
Thanks for sharing!
Oh I thought it was your first, written a while back, but it's your recent first! Very good!
@bitfiend brother It was written a while back on Facebook... but it is one of my first poems :D
Thank you so much @jokossita ... A compliment from a writer like you really boosts up my self-esteem :)
The key is to be consistant. A pro writer is an amateur who never quit.
i sooo love your poem!!
Wow... That's powerful! @jokossita . I'll keep that in mind :)
Just read one of yours @deeday31 . "Blunted Emotions" .
This is nowhere near the level of what you've written. I do not write poetry usually !
It's ok. .i am also a newbie in poetry.. sometimes i feel makinh poem that can easily relates to my daily mood so that im able to express myself freely.. i consider yours a one amazing masterpiece because it is so deep 😊☺😊😍
The whimsy with a dash of nostalgia. I like it.
Wow... @deeday31 :) Thank you so much for your compliments :) I'm on cloud nine right now lol :D
Thanks @zeroooc :)
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STOPNice one,keep it up
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STOPCreative
First ever written Poem but wrote like a pro Poet !! Good Work Brother !!
Thanks man... I have yet to earn that tag for myself though. I'm not a poet :P