I take 2-3 clonazepam and I sleep like a baby, I don't even dream. I don't recommend it to anyone though.

Good day
I would like to recommend that you learn meditation.

Find a group, or a teacher that teaches meditation.
Find one with a person you resonate with.

Meditation is learning to quiet the mind. That is the first step.
Then, when the mind is quiet, you can hear yourself.
And then find yourself.

Hello :)
What you say you experience there is a good thing, really. You begin to see yourself objectively.
Now, you either choose to victimize yourself - and go on a downward spiral, or you decide to take the hard way up and do something good about it - discover who you really are, beyond the "garbage" in your mind.
I wish you the best of luck!
There's no straight recipe to find out who you really are. Everybody will tell you what to do based on their own experiences - but only you know what will actually work for you. And if you don't know yet, you're the only one who can discover it.
Some meditate, some do Tai Chi, some travel the world... some knit or do pottery or go minimalist.
All I can say is try to do things you like or feel attracted to, even if this will seem to be - for a while - nothing more than a series of trials and fails. And try to hear your own voice, despite the noise in your head.
If you persevere, you will succeed, eventually. Enjoy the ride! :)

I feel you man..

I'm bipolar as well and I'm starting in on a low spell here soon I feel.

It's impossible to be happy and content all the time.. SO let that go right now.. You will have periods in your life that suck more than others.. It's just how the game works.

Mania is a gift and when you're on a roll you're on a roll. Irregardless of how shitty you feel you must continue on and wait for the mania to once again give you fuel to dare to dream..

I understand you because I live this every day. The mania is amazing but leaves you feeling empty and depressed.. My only advice to you is this.

Chin up, It will get better

Also, on the poles that aren't you.. Here is the fun part.. They are you. :)
It's just a matter of mixing them together and you find your character. <3

I can't mix them somehow. Maybe because of imbalance, maybe this is just bipolar being

I took antipsychotic propazinum at the end. Now in the morning I'm broken and took bupropion to wake up. Without meds I'm nothing)))

Yeah I tried it works really. I practiced it for about 5 years but then I had some intence psycedelic experience after which i cannot meditate. I take panic attack when try to

Hello) thank you
I know I'm garbadge and anyone in the whole world don't know it as well as me))

Also my manic periods became shorts and weak. It'z like a bullying against depressions

If you don't mind me posting a link here I think maybe this might help:

Dealing with Depression from Someone who was Gifted with Bipolarism

Hopefully you can read through that and see how I deal with my ups and downs.. It is a rollercoaster though for sure. If you need a set of ears to talk to that knows first hand how bipolarism can effect you please feel free to PM me on steemit.chat or come hang out in the #klye room on there.

You aren't alone in your feelings. Don't feel the need to suffer in silence. I'm certainly not a shrink by any means but I do get it.. Hell, I live it too. :)

When you have times where the "bad" is outwieghing th "good" you need to embrace the depression and look towards the good that you have coming.

It's not all bad, nor will it feel all bad forever. It's a cycle and eventually you'll be back on top again. Hang in there k? :)

Oh cool! Thank you, I ll read. Understanding that you re not alone and not freak partly helps. I m following you. And also chats are good, but I m new in steemit and didn t underrtand how to use it yet. But i will.
I consist in one russian group of bipolars on facebook, we talk there when it is bad. It helps . And to read really stories in your board.
Thank you anyway

Have you tried to meditate since 2013?

Ok)
Yeah It s not forever
It s new day again and I just need to take this and do my day stuffs))
I have worsening on the evenings

Whoa, well. I don't know why you're thanking me for, you seem to have missed my point. And I have missed some of yours too, for which I apologize.
Since you're bipolar, I don't know if there's any other way than detaching yourself from both sides?... Or, if you can't, accept them as they are? I only theoretize here, I have no experience with bipolar people, although I will say you're different than your highs and lows and I think if you're looking for balance, you have to dig a lot deeper than the two sides of bipolarism.

It's always worse at night for me too..

Helps having someone there.. But if you don't just have to cuddle yourself and sleep. Morning comes and hopefully you feel better. :)

You are not alone nor a freak... I promise. :)

I am always here to talk if you need. Your english is better than my russian though and I apologize for not being able to communicate with you in your own language.

You will be ok. <3

Hello @destroyed. I know deep depression and the highest of highs, I don't know if that makes me bi-polar and these days I find myself much more balanced. If I can offer one small piece of advice (please don't hate me for it) Drugs don't work. They cloud the mind and fuck with your bodies' natural rhythms; I know that the drugs are designed to correct imbalances in the body but I believe that the best way to do this is to learn the root cause of your feelings. It is a hard road, believe me that I know. You are not alone and you are DEFINITELY NOT GARBAGE! I have seen your art and this cannot come from garbage. I wish I could be there to help you see the value within yourself but in the end it is only you who can do this. Although we don't know each other, I feel your pain and just want you to know that you are not alone. Keep posting your art on here and believe the praise, feel the joy it brings to others. You will overcome these challenges and be a stronger and more amazing person because of the struggle.

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Yes... honestly I try every evening but...

Thank you you re very heartfull
Meds.. drugs.. there s a lot of opinions and effects are different in each unique situation
I really was in the situations when meds was the only way. I was as the patient and also as "the-one-who-was-there" - it was side view.
I know person who started his treatment recently and has a big rise and if he started earlier (if anybody adviced him or took by the hand to doctor) he could be recover long ago and live his happy life all that time. But he didn t. And had wasted years.

Since 2012 my meditations have been... different. Not as deep, but always on. Anyway...

Try this video on cptsd and see if you resonate with it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXVAxO_FToA
If you do, just start going through his play list.

If not, reply more, or start a chat.

I thanked you because of good wishes which you writed.)

You are right, each situation (person) is different. You are not alone @destroyed, I believe in you. You are a talented artist, hold on to that. Sending love