Lost, I am lost

I think my last post was 5 months ago..
my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma and had 30 days to live. She died. Its been 3 weeks. There is a pile of shit to complete. Sitting for moments with silence is not comforting its anxiety and oppotunity for my mind to be infiltrated with fear of memories.

My mom lived with me, my disabled son and 3 daughters.
She filled a parental role for them. She was an advocate for my son in the schools.

Cancer came fast and killed fast and i dont think i had time to even breathe.