Crash Out

I just realized something after my major crash out.😬

Growing up, I trained myself not to cry. Around seven years old, I started believing that crying meant weakness. I was often left with relatives while my parents worked and lived in Manila. Somehow, I felt embarrassed. I felt ridiculed whenever I cried. So I made a quiet promise to myself: be independent, keep going, and never let people see me break.

That became my default for years.

Whenever life became too heavy, I cried in private. I hid my tears in bathrooms, behind closed doors, or waited until no one was around. I could carry responsibilities, serve others, and keep functioning, but I rarely let anyone see what was happening inside. All they saw was someone outspoken, unshakable, a fighter, thin but never fragile.

Then this week, I cried for three hours.

What surprised me was not that I cried. It was that I wasn't ashamed. I didn't feel the need to hide. Looking back, I think that's because, for the first time in a long time, I finally felt safe enough to let years of buried frustrations come out.

It also made me think of Psalm 56:8. God keeps track of every tear, as if none of them are wasted or unseen. Somehow, that verse feels different to me now.

Maybe that's what healing sometimes looks like.

So... does this mean my inner child is finally realizing she's safe?

Haha.

If that's what healing looks like, I'll take it.