Back door

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I smiled. Yes, I smiled.
Looking good like I'm fine.
Greeting visitors with a smile.
Shaking hands a million times.
Accommodating as I should,
No worries must be shown,
Hiding even one tear drop to fall.

I overthink. Yes, I overthinks.
Should I tolerate that?
Tell me how.
I don't feel welcome at home though they say I am.
I don't know. I don't know.
If there's still out there telling me the truth.

You say. You show. But why I couldn't feel it?
Are you sure about this?
Can you please tell me?
Can't move freely.
Can't think well.
Eye pain. Head ache.
Chest pain. Can't breathe well. Today.
Can you just tell me?
Can you just think of me for a minute?
Can you just treat me like how you treat others?
Can you be the truth for my long asking ever more?
Please tell me.