I never told you that I rehearse goodbyes before love even begins...

I never told you that I rehearse goodbyes before love even begins.

Because it always ends. That is how it is.

I rehearse them because I know it’s going to hurt,
and I want to be prepared.

I recognized my pattern,
the red flags I was chasing.
Of course I knew it was going to end.

Even with friends.

Because I felt that amazing old soul
entering my life,
like a reunion after thousands of years apart,
was going to keep traveling
and never come back in this lifetime.

I rehearse them over and over again,
every time I’m going to meet him later that day,

when he is lying half-asleep next to me in his bed.

I rehearse the goodbyes
so I don’t fall apart crying,
so I can act cool,
uninterested.

I never told you that I rehearse goodbyes before love even begins.

Perhaps because I didn’t want to love.
Or maybe I was already drunk on it.

I never told you that I loved you when you left,
because a goodbye was all I needed.

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