Why Is It So Hard To Be Consistent?

"Where have you been?"

Once I sit down to do it, it's never very hard at all. Writing, graphic design, my boss' taxes -- once I decide it's time to do what I need to do, the do-ing is always the easiest part.

The hard part is, and always has been, consistency. Here today, gone tomorrow. I am and then I ain't.

The self-criticism doesn't help. It manifests as visions of mean texts from ex-boyfriends, dirty looks from old friends. Rude tweets that don't exist yet.

"What if I don't want the Internet to know anything about me at all?"

When I'm not writing, it's not because I don't have anything to say. It's usually because I have so much to say I can feel it bursting from my fingertips and I know if I let it all out I'll have probably said too much.

Creating is the easy part.

I'd like to have my own little place here on the Internet. Somewhere I can talk about the design of old Mac computers, how pretty sneakers are, the crazy plot of this romantic comedy you forgot about.

Unfortunately (and I mean truly unfortunately), I feel pressure to rack up page views, earn unique visitors, seek approval from strangers in a made up world.

"Nobody talks about e-social anxiety."

I think I'm meant to start a magazine. Lately I can feel that in my heart. I don't think I was meant for a "personal brand" that isn't at least a little bit out of focus. I think I was meant to tell stories.

Pretty Decent Mood Board 001 -- I've been trying harder on Instagram lately. Follow me? <3

12 Things I Want To Do With My Life

1. Interview Chance the Rapper
2. Publish my own magazine
3. Look at the Eiffel Tower
4. Fall in love without getting bored
5. Direct a music video
6. Write a book
7. Buy my mom a house
8. Go to a live taping of SNL
9. Talk to Frank Ocean
10. Tell an important story
11. Learn to make homemade pasta
12. Please God

I move to New York City in two days. :)

Thanks for hanging out with me online! Sorry for disappearing. I'll have a lot more to talk about soon.

P.S. My mom @gatorlynne just published the fourth chapter of her Steemit-exclusive novel. Check it out!