Community post

18 and bewildered

Wearing my most comfortable clothes and a facade thank you smile, I don't know how to welcome 18.

Its thought is too overwhelming it's sucking me into my own void with no remorse. It's not a renewal nor an another year to look forward but a dead start. I feel like I'm back at being young again rather than feel a little bit old. If this is birthday blues, then I do not want any of it. It makes me sick to the bones, to my innermost, down to my screaming soul.

It never occured to me until now—so this is how it feels like, to see the world you once perceived colorful becomes dull. I heard them differently now: the once cheerful birthday songs I enjoyed have become noise that prickles my skin and cringe me down to my spine. I see colors different to then: all the pastels and rainbows have become black, blue, gray, and bloody red strands of emotions swirling around wherever I i go blinding my sight.

18 isn't supposed to be this way of feeling mere nothingness and nothing more. no words can't describe how it slowly envelopes my heart. It's too early, I am only a day old of my 18th existence. I never wished to be this fearful, pressured, stuffed with expectations, and suffocated with future responsibilities. I just wanted to be free and be myself, allowing me to embrace maturity by my own, following the flow of my river.

18 should be a new beginning, if not nice then it should not be too dark that I could not get up when I falter.

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Renésmee Neverfound ㅤ

_{An aspirant writer and artist. To be found is my greatest dream and never be lost. Hi, I am @rene.neverfound, you can call me Rene or Esme if you like. I specialized in prose-poetry and poetry, and now I am trying new things and writing styles. I am a 17-year-old girl living life in the Shrine City of the Philippines.

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I am a total bookworm who loves to read mangas and novels with particularly Fantasy, Action, Sci-fi, Mystery, Adventure genres because I love the feeling of the rushing adrenaline and thrill. I am as well an otaku that loves to watch genres which were aforementioned. I am a music enthusiast and a grade 12 student with an undying passion on everything I do. I am still making up my mind what to course should I take in college in these top three choices: 1) BS in Psychology, 2) Veterinary Science, 3) BS in Nursing.

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Thank you so much for the patience and for reading!}

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