Community post
When Gardening Becomes Overwhelming - by Sunscape
We grow seedlings, plant them out into the garden, and before we know it, we are ripping it all out. We put it in, we take it out! This has to be the first year in my entire life where keeping up with it all has been overwhelming. Not just for myself, but my hubby has had a rough year between his knee and a shoulder, which both need surgery.
Needless to say, we are both feeling the pressure of clearing out all the gardens before his knee surgery in a few weeks.
Many of the zinnia plants that were hiding the butternut squash needed to be pulled. Of course, the squash and melons growing behind them were full of powdery mildew, so those got pulled too.
All the summer phlox was past peak as well. We cut all those in the front of the house back for the season. They need dividing before winter since they have literally taken over a large portion of the garden. Mika is on point, supervising the entire job. It isn't often that she gets to be out in the front yard.
All the vines have been removed, and I can see the border zinnias again.
All that is left is to pull the tall zinnia plants in two weeks. I want to save them for the bees and goldfinches, which are still actively enjoying the flowers.
For over 18 years, I have had Ostrich Ferns planted along the North side of the house, surrounding the back porch. I have truly loved the way they look all summer long, but when I feel like taking care of all the gardens is getting to be too much, I make radical decisions. Thus, I had hubby dig out every one of the ferns.
It took most of the morning to remove all of them. I don't know what I will do with all the empty space, but at least it is a lot less for us to cut back every fall.
We ended up filling up that barrel four times that day. There were others planted in shady spots that came out too. It was a hard choice for me to make, but less is better as we age, right?
A major decision was made to eliminate this enormous garden where all my lilac trees and shrubs have been growing for years. Neither of us can keep up with all the weeds that grow in there among the ground cover.
My husband had been working on digging out weeds for three weeks when I made the suggestion that having to do that every year was going to be too much going forward.
The first step was to clear away all the boulders surrounding the entire garden. We put them all in when we were younger and much stronger than now. See, we put it in, and we take it out.
At first, I thought I would keep the Korean Lilac and the bird post, making a small circular bed around them. The more we worked on removing everything, the more I realized that they had to go too. So sad.
It looks so strange now that all the trees and shrubs have been cut down. More rocks have to be removed; that will be done over the next two weeks.
I know I am going to miss the wonderful aroma from the lilacs when spring rolls around. Yet, I know we made the right decision to remove the entire garden. Now, we have to find a contractor to come in with a bobcat to remove all the soil and stumps. In the spring, we will sow grass seed and turn it back into a lawn.
I've been contemplating what I would be able to handle alone if and when my husband transitions. He is 10 years older than I am, and his physical strength has been diminishing for the past two years. I can see how hard it is for him to do so much gardening. Thus, we are both overwhelmed, emotionally, physically, and mentally too.
I am seeing clearly that "Less is More".
Replies (21)
All I can say is, I understand. I am unable to do any of the lawn and garden maintainance myself anymore and everything is a mess. Bushes are growing up blocking windows, poison ivy has sprung up in the bed of vinca, and weeds and weed trees are everywhere. What used to be my pride and joy has become an eyesore. I truly don't know what my next step should be,
It saddens me a bit to read this but we all have to make the choices that are best for us in the moment.
Perhaps this is why @clareartista found herself a man that is 8 years younger than herself? Or was it me that found her? ;^)
P.S. Dealing with circa 2 hectares of land.and not using gardening machines sure requires a lot of decision making too. Luckily, we are still relatively young and still getting stronger and healthier thanks to returning to a more aligned life.
We are starting to whittle down what we are required to maintain as well. Health issues for us mostly. We still enjoy a few flowers and small flower gardens. Tried our lot at cherry tomatoes this year. Nothing big. We do what we can and still enjoy.
You and whatshisname have created a little paradice on earth / If you can't maintain it then you are doing the right thing. Making less work for whatshisname and yourself.
Sunscape's Whatshisname
As much as I loathe the idea of a lawn, if it's too much maintenance, what can you do? I'd prefer it rewilded I suppose - but it's your garden. I know what you mean, it's exacdtly why we moved and we aren't even quite in mid 50s yet! (we're months away, haha).
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Bless you both, dear @sunscape 🙏💐 - I can only imagine how heartbreaking it must feel to take out plants, especially mature growth, that you have nourished for years... I wish that we were nearby to pick up some of the discarded plants! 👐🙌👋 But I recognise the wisdom in downgrading the garden, as it were; hoping that this clearing work brings you much more peace and harmony in the gardens, as you deserve 🤗💐
I don't know if I could do that. But if you have relied on him for help, I can see why you'd want to cut back. Fortunately, most of my helpers are young(er) so hopefully I won't have to think about it much ... I'll miss the photos of the missing gardens....
I get it, Melinda. I know physically it is difficult for you to do that kind of work anymore. I feel for you knowing that it is extremely expensive to have someone come in and do the maintenance. Perhaps hiring someone just to do one area at a time. My husband will be 82 next summer, and he already is having difficulty helping due to having so many joints, bone on bone. So, yes I'm kinda panicking since it would be too much to do it alone.
Aw, that is so sweet! Yeah, you found each other at the perfect time. When I was in my 30s and created all these gardens, they were so easy to maintain and gave me a lot of joy. Now, 40 years later, it is getting a bit harder, to say the least. lol
I hear you, Joe. We have to downsize a lot of things as we age gracefully. lol I have a great deal to care for around the yard. My entire home is surrounded by massive gardens.
Yep, Mike, that's about what happens to Whatshisname at this stage of life. Lol, you made me almost spit out my coffee. I have to have him come down and see your reply; he will get a big kick out of it. Nice to see ya, my friend.
Well, I don't want to take them out, but being in your 70s and 80s makes it a bit harder to keep up.
Aw, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. We had a hard decision to make but in the long run it will be better for us. I would glady give you all the plants.
I know, Pam, but some of the hard work has to be downsized now when we are able to. I can't imagine how much it would be to hire someone in a few years. Landscape companies get a fortune just to trim bushes and lay down mulch. I guess I had better stay in good shape, right?
Your husband is 10 years older than me and I'm impressed that he is able to do as much as he does!
Or find an intern…
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I sure understand your dilemma. The aging process deals differently with each of us. My husband just turned 70, and I will be 70 in two months. He has been deteriorating for a few years already, and can barely keep up with the firewood project. I had to make my garden smaller so I could manage it by myself. I also splurged on an electric lawnmower and an electric trimmer (both battery operated) so I can take over more of the yard work as needed. I have a great deal of knee pain due to arthritis, so I may be nuts to even consider taking over more of the outdoors chores. None of my usual tasks are going to go away. But, as many have pointed out, hiring professionals is very expensive. I do hire a teenage boy to help out now and then when I really need another set of hands...or good knees...for a task.
I really only have the one garden, which contains everything I don't want the deer to eat: berries, vegetables, flowers, lilacs. On two sides of the house I have four small areas I call "flower beds," some of which are in decent shape. One of them is quite the mess, but it's not high on my priority list to fix it up.
I totally know how you are having to adjust too. My hubby is 81 and still manages a lot, but he suffers for it. With two surgeries upcoming back-to-back, he will be out of commission for some time. I kept watching him and how I've been having to do it all, and that really put me in a little panic, wondering how in the world will we manage this 5-1- years from now. Wow, it is daunting to think about, so I'm making radical decisions now.
He works so hard to keep up with so much, but he suffers from pain for doing so. I know it is the right thing to do by cutting out some of the major gardening areas. The more the years go by, the more I realize how daunting it will be.
I commend you for thinking ahead!