Community post
Choked Out
For the second time in my life, today I will wear a bowtie. They call it a "mirri" in Finnish, which also means cat - I suppose because it is a bit like whiskers. I didn't own a bowtie because I am not a hipster or a sommelier, but had to buy one. Anyway, I have to wear one as the dress code for a wedding we will be attending.
Dress code for a wedding.
I get it. Seems so normal. But I think that there should also be a curb put on demands for people to celebrate special occasions. The dress code should be, dress like you are at a fucking wedding. If the bridal party want to coordinate, the parents of the couple, that is fine. But the guests should be expected to dress appropriately, but not be forced into a particular style. The entitlement irks me a bit.
It is all so performative.
We didn't have a wedding, but there is no way I would have guilted people into wearing something specific. And I don't think I would set a dress code at all. People would of course dress appropriately and those that don't, well that is for them to deal with. People are adults - let them get dressed for themselves.
Having said that, I have seen some pretty daggy (unfashionable, untidy, scruffy, or lacking style) wedding attire at some weddings here, and I quite enjoy it. It isn't necessarily age specific, but the younger folk are dressing better. I think it is more historical with the older people, where they actually remember and lived through harder times, or parents who lived through them. It meant that a celebration like a wedding was where you dressed up in the best you had, and enjoyed the company, regardless of how it looked. As a result, the best people had varied a lot.
I enjoy the variation in what people wear and how it contrasts with others. It fills the room with more colour, more interest, and can provide points of conversation, or ridicule. But there is narrative and story involved. When everyone is wearing much the same, it all becomes beige.
After much humming and harring, my wife has decided to wear a dress she last wore when she was eighteen. That is over half a lifetime ago for her, and it still looks good. What is funny perhaps is that some of the friends at the wedding might remember her wearing it, as it was for her school graduation - that makes it more interesting. Thankfully, this one is very simple pink satin and doesn't have puffy sleeves or sequins.
I am a little bit suspect about how some of the other women are going to feel about it, since there is no way in hell most of them are fitting into their old graduation dresses.
So, since it is a three hour drive to the town it will be held where we will have to spend the night in a hotel, I likely won't be around much today, but will check in once back in the room. Perhaps I will drop a picture in the comments of us dressed up in the symbols of tyranny and coercion.
I would be a terrible sommelier.
I like all the red wines.
Taraz
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Replies (16)
This post reminded me of The Witcher. Geralt in both the books and games hated being teleported and having to wear a new doublet.
Not only this seems like quite an achievement but it also is interesting because I assumed that many women often only get some dresses/ shoes for one occasion and never wear them again.
I am the younger folk. But, this forced attire thing is something I hate the most. Not just eith the attired, almost everything. I get it these are traditional and most accepted ways. But let the Batman wear his bat suit, he won't bite.
Recently, I had to attend my best friend's wedding, and he was all angry until I spent half of my salary just for three days "acceptable attire." The thing is: I cannot wear those suit anywhere else, other than another wedding.
I know I am talking big, but even next time, I will be wearing something socially acceptable :)
Btw that "mirri" is socially acceptable only in developed cities over here. Otherwise, one is labeled as a waiter. Way to go!
Will be checking on, so do not forget to share the picture.
Enjoy!
This reminded me of what my sister did last Sunday. We were all dressed and ready to go to church but she was still not dressed. My mom asked her why and she said the clothes she wanted to wear were old and she did not want to wear them to church. It really made me think about how much importance we sometimes put on what we wear.
Daggy - what a great word! I looked it up and it said "unfashionable charm" nice evolution given its etymology 😁.
Looking at what people wear on different occasions is something I enjoy doing. It can completely capture my attention.😊
Haha, I feel you on this one! Wearing a bowtie (or mirri as they call it in Finnish) definitely has its charm, but I get why the entitlement of strict dress codes can be frustrating. Weddings should be about celebrating love and joy, not stressing guests with overly specific rules. Still, I think it’s cool that you’re embracing it for the occasion, even if it’s only the second time in your life. At least you’ll have a fun story to tell, and maybe even a few compliments on your whisker‑like “mirri.” 😄
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Oh other women are going to hate your wife even more for wearing that dress. 😀
That's part of the reason my wife doesn't have any female friends...
Hmm, I’m going to start by saying that, I guess you free spirit and don’t really care about what people say. I was surprised when you mentioned that your wife wore a cloth of about couple of decades to a party.
I don’t know that they prioritise party over there too like they do in the part of the world. Here you see people borrowing money to finance a party and even make people buy cloth they that choose for the occasion. I think I prefer someone picking colours for an occasion since it will make everyone uniformly.
Wow! You look super cute together. I must say. It doesn’t show that the cloth she wore was that old.
You both match so well in this picture and honestly the dress looks beautiful on her. I can hardly believe this is the same dress she wore when she was eighteen. It still looks so elegant on her and fits her really well. By the way how about Smallsteps, didn’t she follow you guys to the wedding?
I own a bowtie! Perhaps even two (plus a red one that I've never used). I used to have to wear the black ones all the time when I performed as part of a symphonic band. I had to wear a full tuxedo and everything, including a cumberbund and cuff links. The only thing I didn't have was coattails on my blazer!
When my sister got married, I wore a suit with a standard tie, not a bowtie.
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I've never been to a wedding where they had a dress code like that either. I've also been to weddings where people are wearing jeans, so maybe there is something to be said for dress codes!
Yes, I hardly use bowties but I know I'm so handsome and smart inside it. Sometimes, certain occasions make us do things we didn't wish to do